it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
