I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
