pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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