hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
