Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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