I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
