I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
