he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
