no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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