My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
