Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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