he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
