Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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