I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
