The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
