If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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