I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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