i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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