Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
