remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
