I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
