she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
