I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
