Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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