smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
