can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
