Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
