I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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