Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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