there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
