The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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