What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
