Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
