so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
