At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
