Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
