The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
