Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
