Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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