no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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