Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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