i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
