It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
