Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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