i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
