i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
