ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
