i think i have two assholes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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