i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
