The maid of honor just puked.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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