Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
