Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mom said you looked used
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
