it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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